Time and time again, and most recently, yesterday, on a comment thread on Facebook, Neurotypical adults (usually parents of autistic children) see me (and other autistic adults) express ourselves well, eloquently and articulately online and make huge assumptions about us.

They believe that because we are capable of communicating online in this way, that we can have little to no understanding of their child’s autism. Because in most cases, said child will be non verbal or, as they put it, “severely autistic”.

Well this post is a big FUCK YOU to all those NTs who make such judgements and refuse to accept that autistics like me have anything in common with their children.

I’m high functioning but… some days my biggest achievement is having a shower. An even bigger achievement is washing my hair.

I’m high functioning but… I have a pile of rubbish the size of a small mountain in my garden because executive dysfunction means I ALWAYS forget to put it in the bin and put the bin out to be emptied.

I’m high functioning but… knowing that I have three full days of social interaction next week, I’ve had to hibernate and limit my social interaction down to pretty much zero in the weeks leading up to the event.

I’m high functioning but… I have already started scripting for the conversations I’ll be having next week.

I’m high functioning but… following those days of interaction next week, I’ll have to come home and shut down, surround myself with my positive sensory tools and have to remind myself to eat.

I’m high functioning but… even communicating online can be stressful and induce a shit down or even a migraine.

I’m high functioning but… I can’t deal with big emotions. I have a meltdown and sometimes self harm.

I’m high functioning but… when I’m in a face to face confrontation with someone, I become unable to speak, unable to express myself, get very upset, start crying uncontrollably and my brain goes into self destruct mode.

I’m high functioning but…. I have alexythimia which means that unless I’m feeling a big emotion, I often can’t understand or explain what I’m feeling.

I’m high functioning but… my diet is extremely limited due to sensory issues. If you tried to get me to try  new food, or if you sneaked something into my food, I’d have a meltdown.

I’m high functioning but… I can only really make eye contact with my daughter and my dog.

I’m high functioning but… I can’t tell when I’m being lied to.

I’m high functioning but … I have several stims.

I’m high functioning but… I happy flap and squeal when I’m excited.

I’m high functioning but… I had to train myself to be able to touch cooked pasta so that I could make it for my child.

I’m high functioning but… I can maintain friendships or relationships.

I’m high functioning but … always eat meals in a certain order.

I’m high functioning but… I always apply make up in the same order. If I somehow get the order wrong, I have to wipe it all off and start again.

I’m high functioning but… I’ve been signed off work indefinitely by my psychiatrist.

I’m high functioning but… I get angry and confused when people don’t stick to the social rules that I’ve learnt.

I’m high functioning but … I could never do ‘pretend play’ as a child, and still couldn’t do it with my daughter when she was younger.

I’m high functioning but… I AM just like your child.

The Aspie Mermaid x

 

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